'Evil' Steps!

Hi people! I have been talking on how to handle broken home situations and I want to talk about one very important aspect which is 'step' relations. Parents can decide to re-marry after a divorce or even death of the other spouse and as the children we feel that the new spouse is coming to take over the place your mother or father once occupied. It can be really hurtful as we watch our parents transfer the love they once had for their spouse to another person.

So lets make a basic affirmation, no one can be like your real mother or father. This is because no two people are exactly the same. In as much as this holds true, you should give your step mother or father a chance to be the parents they can be. We already have a preconceived idea that step mothers and fathers are wicked and uncaring. So we have this set mind that nothing our step parents do is enough or we just despise them irrespective of their efforts.

What fairy tales tell us about evil step mothers is not always the case.

I must say that not all of them are the best but you need to know that you should respect your parent's decision of remarriage. It is usually a big step for them and they really are interested in what you feel. Look at it like this, some day you will go to college, get married and all that, your mother or father would crave company. Loneliness is very terrible. No one can take the place of your biological parents but some try to be the best as they can be.

Fairy tales tell us about evil step mothers but in real life situations it is not always the case. Don't make your new step mother/father uncomfortable by being horrible and grumpy. Remember what we said about loving all the way. Give them the opportunity to know you better and understand that change is not always a bad thing. Do well to pray for them and especially about the choices your parent may make about remarriage. Ask God to lead them. Whatever you observe that makes you feel uncomfortable, try talking it over with your biological parent with wisdom.

In my subsequent posts, I will talk a bit more on handling the not so good steps. Please, life isn't always about you. Learn to think about others like your parent's happiness is something you should consider too...
God bless you!

Love all the way...

So, I have been talking about being a teenager in a broken home and I know it is quite an ordeal. Truth is, we can only watch as things unfold because these matters are predominantly about our parents. But how we react in face of all of these is what I want to drive at. Most times there is a tendency to hate one of our parents because we think the whole issue is caused by one of them. You think it is your mum who nags a lot or you think it is your dad who doesn't seem to care about how your mother feels. It could even be deeper than that.

Whatever the situation is, I urge you to please love your parents in spite of their faults and 'irresponsible' attitudes. This is like a hard one but it is the best way to go through hurt and pain. Love is a powerful force and does not only help in changing the person you love but it changes you. Jesus understood this when He urged that we love and forgive. The greatest gift Jesus gave to us was His love. Despite all our faults and weaknesses he chose to die for us. He loves us deeply even though we are many times unfaithful to Him.

Let your goal be to love all the way in spite of the troubles.

Your parents never got married with the hope of getting separated later. Believe me, no one wants a broken marriage but as things went on, mistakes were made. And in fact, I dare say that they love you despite their personal issues. I need you to ask Jesus to help you love your parents even though they have hurt you just like Jesus loves us even though we still hurt Him sometimes.  Don't join the 'blame train' by constantly blaming one party for all the problems. Pray that God will help them work out their problems and that you will be the good and responsible child you should be.

When they see the maturity with which you handle this, they are drawn to the love of Jesus through your life especially if they are not believers. You can win them over to Jesus if you will allow Jesus help you love them. Let your goal be to love all the way in spite of the troubles.


Romans 5:8 (NIV) "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Don't Break!

I am writing today to those who face the despair of being raised in broken homes. I can't say I totally know what it feels like but I can tell you that God knows better than I do. What I have however discovered is that some of you from broken homes tend to feel responsible for the break in your home. You feel it is because you were born that is why the mess in your homes have happened. That is very far from the truth. Do not blame yourself for the mistakes or problems that are solely the responsibilities of your parents.

Please, don't break.

I need you to know that your birth was planned by God and He designed you for a reason. Don't despise your parents either because God chose them as your parents. He knew what He was doing. I know this can be hard but I know that God can see you through this. Listen, your home can break but don't allow yourself be broken in the process. Please, don't break. I know it can be tough moving from one house to another because of visitation rights but choose instead to be better through all of these.

Don't try to heal yourself by doing drugs, drinking and being rebellious to drive a point to your parents. They only drive you down the path of depression and you are destroying your life in the process and believe me, it will hurt more than you can imagine. Believe me, choose to believe in the love your parents have for you even though they have not been able to solve their own problems. Enjoy their company whenever you have to be with either one of them. Pray a lot and if possible seek counsel from good christian counselors. Don't make rash decisions and don't hate your parents. God enjoins us to love even when we don't feel like it.

Occupy yourself with things that can develop you socially, mentally and spiritually. In my subsequent posts, I will talk about this matter a bit more. I just want to let you know that you are special in God's eyes. He loves you immensely. You need to know this deep down because it will help you through the doubts that you have about your parents love for you.

Jeremiah 29; 11(NIV) "For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you , plans to give hope and a future". This is a promise and it is so true!

Solitude can be a gift...

I came to this conclusion after I discovered how much I could maximize silence. Make no mistake though, sometimes silence can be deafening. Honestly, as we grow especially during our teen years, we get so busy. We get busy with school, church, family, community, social media, television and all that life has to offer. It would seem like we can't break away from all the responsibilities that call us especially mum's voice calling us to do very annoying chores. Did I hear an amen?

However, we get so wrapped up in all these that when there is a time when we are by ourselves, all alone, we get uncomfortable. For some of us we have tied our lives to all these things that a bit of quiet can be terrifying. When there isn't school, chores, games or even when internet connection is not available, we feel the world has ended. We are used to being occupied. It is not all together a bad thing besides, the idle mind is the devil's workshop they say.

I had to understand pretty early in life that silence can be a gift if you maximize it well. I once listened to someone who called it the gift of solitude. It was during those times when I was not on my phone chatting with friends, not running errands, not busy with so much church stuff that I began to discover who I really was. It offered me time to think through a lot of things like my future plans, my decisions and believe me those were the times I had very brilliant ideas about what I wanted to do.

Cherish every time you get t be by yourself.

A lot of people ask questions like "What am I born to do? How can I make an impact in the world?" These are really deep questions that demands a get away time to figure them out. Not only do we get to think during these hours of solitude but we get to pray also. Jesus had to get away from all the noise once in a while to commune with His father. In the same way, God wants to communicate with us and give us brilliant ideas for the future if only we would learn to be still, to be quiet.

Cherish every time you get to be by yourself. Get acquainted with your self and with God. Remember there is a balance to it all. Do what you have to do (I mean responsibilities) but always carve out time to be by yourself. You will be amazed that you can also enjoy your own company besides God is the greatest company you can have during those quiet moments. Ask Adam and Eve...

There is someone out there...

Today as I read my Bible (James 1:27 NIV) which reads, "Religion that our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.", I realized that there are people I need to look after other than myself. I realized how I have been preoccupied with my own needs that I failed to see the needs of others.

I was glad for the gift of family and love. I also realized that not everyone was blessed with this gift of family. Most times we get so caught up in the things we don't have and forget to thank God for the things that we have. Orphans wish everyday they had the love that you have. Widows wish that their husbands were still alive. God sends us to those people to show them love and care. You might ask, what can I do for these people? You can begin by praying. Pray for orphans around you that the Lord will envelope them with His love. You might have one or two of them in your class, make up your mind to do something extra nice for them. Invite them for your parties or surprise them on their birthdays.

Stop looking at yourself all the time and start looking for someone you can bless. It doesn't have to be a million dollars but it can be a million dollar smile that they need. You can suggest to your local church that they do something for orphans at least once in a year. God loves them too and they need to know that. There is someone out there who needs you!

There is someone out there who needs you!

If you are in this with me, lets say a prayer:

Lord, we pray for orphans who are in dire need of love and family that you will envelope them with your love. We pray that you comfort and keep them. We pray that you will find us as useful vessels to bring these ones to you. Comfort those who are being ravished by war and hunger. Send help to them Lord and help us be the help we can be in our own little corners. This we ask by faith in Jesus name. Amen.

Wait a minute!

I remember when I was in my early teens I wanted to grow up so fast. I enjoyed watching my big cousins use makeup and wear fancy clothes. I really wanted to be an adult and fast too. My mum was just the problem. I could not even use a lip gloss except during dry seasons. I could not do certain hairstyles or wear certain clothes because my mum was just not going to allow it. Tiring isn't it? I was a big girl and deserved some independence and I would sulk and whine but my mum would just not give in.

Have you been in my shoes? I bet you have. Even as a guy, you want to cut your hair in a certain style and dress in a certain way that shows your big boy status and it is irritating when your parents breathe down your neck. "I need a break!" I hear you loud and clear brother! I understand you sister! But, wait a minute!

I am an adult now and I have had to look back and I am grateful that my parents did all they could to make sure I waited a little longer to experience the freedom that I wanted. One reason is that there is plenty of time to do all that hairstyle and use all that make up. It is important you enjoy your innocence and grow into maturity. When you arrive at that point, you are able to use freedom wisely. Rushing into things has never had the best results. Things that are good usually take time. You should use your teen years to discover who you are and begin to form basic principles for yourself that will guide your adult life.

Take your sweet time because adulthood will come and guess what, when you get there, there are times you would wish you didn't have all the responsibilities that comes with it. Enjoy the time you have with your family now because adulthood sometimes separates us from home. Enjoy your natural hair now 'cos a time will come, you will get tired of maintaining artificial hair because they are so expensive. As a young man, allow yourself grow. Focus your energy on things that really matter such as academics, family and God. Allow yourself be formed. That is what our parents are trying to do. Truth is, their methods may not always be the best but their hearts are right. Enjoy where you are even though you are moving to where you want to be.

Just Wait a Minute! For everything there is a season... Ecc 3:1

Accepting Me

Everyone craves to be accepted for who they are. We hate criticisms and just want to enjoy the love and the care everyone can give, This is natural for everyone. Sarah felt like this too and it really hurt when her school mates laughed at her plump stature. She was upset that God made her fat! She wanted to wear the skinny jeans that her mates could wear and she wanted the constant mockery to stop. "Hey Sarah! you might want to have another plate of food to cater for the extra stomach you've got!" Danny would say to her at lunchtime and this would cause an uproar from other students. Sarah had just had enough!

You are good enough, don't forget it.

Sarah strolled home head bowed and really sad inside. She was following a strict diet routine laid out by her mum but it seemed like forever before the effects became visible. Then she noticed someone was walking closely behind her. She stopped and looked behind, it was Mr. Ken. He lived on her street and everyone loved him. He always gave a helping hand to anyone who needed it. She smiled "Hi, Mr.Ken,". "Hello." He smiled back. "You are not happy today, I can tell." Sarah really didn't feel up to talking but she needed a friend right now. "Well, yeah... Had a bad day in school today as usual. My friends won't stop laughing at me because I am fat!" Mr. Ken smiled. "Are you fat?" Did he think this was funny? Of course, she was. Everybody said so. She looked at him puzzled about what he was getting at. "Listen girl, you need to define yourself for yourself and stop letting other people tell you who you are or what you should be. The sooner you accept yourself for who God has made you to be the better you would feel. Do not grant anyone the pleasure of belittling you. You are as beautiful as beautiful can be and only your true friends will accept you for who you really are."

Many of us are like Sarah. Just because people have a certain expectation of who you should be does not mean that you must be that person. Accept yourself as you are, perfections and weaknesses together. Build on your perfections and work on your weaknesses. They are the things that make you unique. There is no one else on planet earth that is you. God specially made you to be you whether you are short, tall, dark or light skinned. Accept your difference from others as your uniqueness and find how you can use it to be a blessing to others. Remember, when God created the earth he said everything was good. When He created you, he said you were good. That is all the verdict that matters. Accept yourself even if no one else does. The real people will come around!